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Hello, world!

Overview

The primary goal of this post is to introduce you to our way of thinking. You have been warned.

In this post we also tell a bit about ourselves and explain what the goal is of our blog. The goal is simple, namely to provide you with relevant content. As do all other blogs on the Internet, or at least try to. But this blog is unique. Not only because we actually succeed in bringing relevant content (as you will soon see), but also because our blog is about our unique software: Unify (make sure you get it!). As such, it contains release notes, tips and tricks and more. Read on if you want the full story on how we came to this - for us - life changing realization on the purpose of our blog.

(Expected reading time: depends, either 3 seconds of scrolling at hyperspeed or 8 hours of restless sleep)

By the way, when we refer to 'We', 'Us' or 'Our' we actually refer to our 'Single Heroic Developer' (or: SHD) that dedicated its life to developing Unify and is tasked with writing posts about Unify, and by doing so throws its life away in the garbage bin. But as proper employers, we don't mind.

PS: SHD also stands for Super Heavy Duty or Scent Hurdle Dog. We use those terms interchangeably when referring to either the work or the person of our developer, respectively.

Table of contents

Because this blog is as illogical in its structure as our source code, we thought it wise to start with a table of contents for this rather lengthy blog post. And we also include a summary per section. But not only that! In this era of AI, we also asked our trustworthy AI assistant to be helpful. And helpful it was! It provided an even better summary of each summary!

Note that the AI only assisted in the table of contents, not in the writing of this post. That was done without any assistance of AI. Yes, it's still possible to write manually! Just don't judge the quality.

• 1. Hello, world!. Our greetings to you, containing some history about the phrase 'Hello, world'.

  AI summary: "About Hi!"

• 2. About ourselves. We tell a bit about ourselves, the FSS enterprise. You can skip this.

  AI summary: "Irrelevant."

• 3. The purpose of our blog. Here you can find a summary of the research we conducted on the purpose and relevance of blogs in general and this one specifically.

  AI summary: "Purposeless, this one specifically."

• 4. Our thanks. Here we offer you our sincere thanks.

  AI summary: "Thx!"

• 5. Conclusion. We end with some parting words.

  AI summary:

• 6. Our philosophy. As is customary, after the conclusion we simply continue writing and provide you with some insight in our way of thinking by granting you a few Pearls of Wisdom.

  AI summary: "Bullshit."

• 7. Contact information. In case you want to curse us.

  AI summary:

Alright! Now that you've got a glimpse at the treasures found in this blog post, let's get started!

'Hello, world!'

"Hello, world!" If you are a developer, you already know the true meaning and background of this sentence. But for those who are not, you should know that this is not only a friendly, graceful and happy greeting to all the people in the world, it's also a sentence that is often used in the first lines of code a programmer writes in his career (beit professional or hobbyistic). Well, at least for those developers that took some time to study a bit about programming :). The inventor of this sentence seems to be Brian Kernighan, who used this sentence in one of his examples in the 1978 book The C Programming Language. Irrefutable and scientific proof of this can be found on Wikipedia.

The above Wikipedia link will refer you to the home page of Wikipedia, and not the actual Wikipedia page that proofs the above. Why did we do this?

Firstly because we firmly believe that not everything should be provided to you on a silver platter; it's best to do some research yourself (you could Google it for example, which, time and again, proved to be a great research method...). Keep in mind that doing your own research will also be important when using Unify (make sure you get it!).

And secondly because when we copied the link to the Wiki page (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/"Hello,_World!"_program) in the HTML code of this blog post (HTML is a text format in which webpages are created) we also copied the " character in it. This caused the link to malfunction because you cannot simply copy and paste an " character in HTML (which we, as the professionals we are, only noticed after testing the page). We therefore had to perform the frustrating process of converting the " character to " or %22). Why do we tell you this? Because this way you can see how unbelievably stupid the process is of writing a simple blog post from the ground up.

For those who are now seething with rage because of a wrong link and are now performing satanic rites in order to get a fully functional link, please refrain from any unholy and murderous intentions and click the following link instead:

"Hello, World!" program - Wikipedia

'Who am I!?!' (我是誰!?!)

- Quote from Jackie Chan in the movie 'Who Am I'

We are a small company called the FSS enterprise (unrelated to the USS Enterprise from Star Trek). FSS is an abbreviation of some latin words we chose for our trademark which are related to close friendship and solutions.

Our logo consists of a lightbulb which stands for bringing light and innovation, just as we aim to do with our software: with our software we want to bring light in the darkness that currently is your Windows PC. And that is why we thought it a good idea to use the lightbulb in our logo. And more importantly: it was easy to draw. The happy smile in the form of a check stands for the fact that we aim to make you a happy person by providing you with software that serve your PC needs, even those you didn't know you had. And the scary eyes mean that we are always watching you (just kidding, don't worry about your privacy, if there's one thing we don't do, it's watching; we take this very seriously and we pride ourselves in not even reading the support requests you'll e-mail us....).

The development team of Unify currently consists of a Single Heroic Developer. As can be seen from the photo-realistic image further on, he is a middle-aged guy that looks like an an old man. He often wears a Superman shirt when developing to give him some measure of self-respect and self-confidence (which he would otherwise severely lack).

That is all there is to tell of him actually. He is so boring he should be ashamed of himself.

And to answer your question why We use the plural form when We talk about Us or Our Single Heroic Developer: no, it's not called nosism (Google research it if you don't know the meaning). And it's not some marketing trick either. It's simply because of Our inflated ego.

Purpose of life...

Alright, let's skip the history lessons and pleasantries for now and get to business. In this blog we want to tell you what we will use our blog for.

Just in case you are a tiny bit forgetful, we made sure to repeat the reason of this blog.
By the way, if, by some miracle, you were redirected to this blog by a Google search result, then please let us know, as that means we finally have proof that 1) Google's SEO algorithm sucks by redirecting you to a shitty blog post and 2) there is still something like free speech on the Internet.

Writing this blog got us thinking and pondering on two major questions.

The first question was: "what is a blog actually?"
The source of all knowledge, Wikipedia, answered this for us.

From Wikipedia: "A blog (a truncation of "weblog") is an informational website published on the World Wide Web consisting of discrete, often informal diary-style text entries (posts). Posts are typically displayed in reverse chronological order so that the most recent post appears first, at the top of the web page. Until 2009, blogs were usually the work of a single individual,[citation needed] occasionally of a small group, and often covered a single subject or topic. [Yada yada...]"

We were happy to read that our work methods were considered 'normal' until 2009. Before we'd consulted Wikipedia, we were under the impression our work methods were rooted in the medieval period (we still use the classic method of spanking the butt of our SHD though to urge him to keep developing, just as in the good-old-times). And our posts are also ordered in a reverse somewhat chronological order on our blog listing page. The only real difference with Wikipedia's definition of a blog is that our blog is not informal, but strictly formal. That is because we are a very professional and very formal firm.

Now that Wikipedia helped us finally understand the true meaning of a blog, the second question was: "what will we use our blog for?"

This was more difficult to answer. We researched this thorougly and based on that research we concluded that we would need further research. That was because our initial question and hypothesis were wrong. We concluded that we should not have asked 'what will WE use the blog for', but 'what contents would OUR AUDIENCE want on our blog'?

After having hired a professional marketing firm to investigate the 👍 and 👎 of our audience, we came to the realization that at the date of writing we had no actual audience. So we did as all proper writers and professional social media specialists should do; in our hubris we just targeted the whole world as our audience (we are very modern and all-inclusive). This also conformed to our firm hypothesis that soon the whole world would be using Unify continuously.

Our next research was focused on what contents our audience (the world) wanted to see on our blog. After preliminary research, we quickly rephrased that to 'what contents would our audience want to read on our blog'; this way we could remain compliant to any SFW rules.

We understood from Reddit posts that at the time of writing there was some misconception over there on what SFW and NSFW content is, as well as to the additional costs involved with the letter N. It's almost as if they were talking about chocolate letters. We just wanted to prevent such disastrous misconceptions and only allow SFW in our posts.

As we have a very broad audience (the world), we fell back to some generally accepted blog practices to make sure that we had contents that our audience would like. We found that those practices dictate that the blog contents should be relevant. We were relieved, as that comes naturally for us (as you've probably already noticed while reading this blog).

With full conviction we then started writing this post by using the scientifically sound trial-and-error method. While writing some totally random texts, we were certain of one thing:

The whole world was eagerly awaiting this blog and we would never let the world down and we would never give up. We are in this together! And together, nothing is impossible!

And because we were writing this blog for the whole world, we started with the all-inclusive 'Hello, world' greeting.

But the attentive reader (you, unless you're snoring) may now be wondering: "This site should be about Unify, right? Then why did this blog start with an idiotic history lesson about 'Hello, world'!??". Well, that's simply because it's our blog and we do as we please and what we wanted to do is to explain this lovely greeting. And now you may ask "But if you're so all-inclusive as you mentioned earlier, then why would you do a thing that less than 1% of the world's population is interested in?". Hmm, you might have a point there. This may seem like a stupid thing indeed. But what else could we do? Start with a banal 'About us' post that absolutely 0% is interested in? Of course not! That would be silly and would not comply to our ludricously high standards. Also, we did not want to talk too much about ourselves because we are very humble and do not like to brag about our many great accomplishments. That is why the About us (aka: Who Am I) section only contains a few sentences about our sad little developer instead of an infinitely scrolling page containing our company's major accomplishments all around the multiverse.

As for some other irrelevant background information on why we do things the way we do: the reason why we used 'Purpose of life...' as a header instead of 'Purpose of our blog', is because the former is a search term that - based on extensive SEO research - could be used more often on Google, and this could therefore compensate for the irrelevant contents of this post. So, using this header will, without any doubt, increase the Google ranking of this blog to the top of any search result imaginable.

Back to the topic at hand: the purpose of our blog.

During the writing of some totally random texts we became inspired and we suddenly saw the light and realized our purpose for this blog! And it is to have a blog for you, our very dear Unify users (make sure you get Unify! Otherwise you will never belong to the best of the best of the best, which is our (paying) userbase!).

What are relevant contents for a site that wants you to download an application (Unify! Make sure you get it!) that is aimed at Windows gamers and Windows tweakers? Quite a lot actually. Like, for example, blog posts about games, reviews, some Windows tips/tricks and a googolplex amount of Windows troubleshooting guides, NSFW content, etcetera. But as there are already a lot of sites out there focusing on that, we will mainly focus on things that are related to Unify. Like:

• New Unify (beta) releases and the change notes
• Tips and tricks on how to use Unify
• To irresponsibly, tactlessly and disrespectfully spit out our unvarnished opinion about anything we like, just as any self-respecting Twitter-er would do under the right of freedom of speech (from Wikipedia: 'freedom of speech is a principle that supports the freedom of an individual or a community to articulate their opinions and ideas without fear of retaliation, censorship, or legal sanction', so this also applies to us; you've been warned)

  You'd think - in a world of social media - that you wouldn't need any more irresponsibly, tactlessly and disrespectfully spat out unvarnished opinions. But you'd be wrong. Because now we're talking about our opinions. We'll forgive you if you didn't know yet, but our opinions are unique. You'll see.

So that's it. That is the main purpose of the blog. And with that we visited the beating heart of this blog. The end result is, in our modest opinion, simply a brilliant and marvellous example of perfection. We expect that, from now on, this blog will be used in academic studies as examples on how to write perfect research papers and texts in general.

But please read on, because we want to thank you too!

Thanks

In this first blog, we want to take the opportunity to do that single thing that is most important to us: thanking you.

Firstly for reading this nonsensical post (please share it with others to spread the word; NO WAIT, share the link to our home page and Patreon page instead please!).

And secondly for using our product (Unify!, make sure you get it!). We especially thank our dear donating Patreon alpha beta testers. Without your donations we are nothing because then our heroic developer could never accomplish the heroic feat of improving Unify as he would starve from hunger and neglect. Now he may only starve from neglect.

So: Thank You!

In return for your support, we dedicate the meagre existence of our heroic developer to continually develop and improve Unify. That will be one of our purposes of life. Among 30 others.

Conclusion

Whew. This blog post has more content than the two lines we expected to write when starting this post. Even though 90%-99% of this post is just a filler (just like the paper of our single heroic developer that he was forced to write when he finished his studies all those years ago, which he now all seemed to have forgotten), we hope some of it will be useful to you someday; maybe you could use it in your own paper as a source of scientific proof of things.

And who knows, maybe our writing skills will improve in the future. But don't get your hopes up. Besides, you should not worry about our writing skills. Instead, you should worry about our programming skills. Everything should be fine though. Our programmer just started rereading 'Beginning Programming For Dummies' (he didn't understand a single word of it the first time), so someday all bugs will be squashed. It may take some time though, as the aforementioned book has 408 pages.

Did you know that the word 'bug' in software originated from an actual bug? From Wikipedia: "In 1946, when Hopper was released from active duty, she joined the Harvard Faculty at the Computation Laboratory where she continued her work on the Mark II and Mark III. Operators traced an error in the Mark II to a moth trapped in a relay, coining the term bug. This bug was carefully removed and taped to the log book. Stemming from the first bug, today we call errors or glitches in a program a bug.

"

We thought it prudent to explain the word 'bug' in relation to software, because you will meet many of them in your journey through Unify.

Because of that we even considered to call our app 'Buggy' instead of 'Unify'. We thought it very cute but our marketing specialists had a gut feeling that Unify would be preferable.

In the meantime let's happily squash bugs together!

Note: no insects were harmed during the writing of this article, at least not by us. We only harmed our Single Heroic Developer by giving him the so-called 'correctional slap on the wrist' (by repeatedly and forcefully slapping him around the ears) when he suggested something silly again.

Pearls of wisdom

Finally, as a blog parting gift, we want to provide you with some of our life lessons that you cannot read anywhere else and which will change your life profoundly. And we even provide these pearls for free, not only to our dear donating Patreon members, but to anyone that may get here thanks to a botched websearch algorithm!

'Huh?', you ask, 'Why is there even text after the 'Conclusion'??' Because we always challenge standards in order to improve them. In fact, continuing writing text after the conclusion is just one of our great many accomplishments we wrote about ealier. We don't end at the conclusion. We just ramble on!

Pearl #1

The first Pearl: try to have some fun and meaning in life, and serve by (hopefully good) example (if you read attentively, you'll notice they're actually three Pearls).

If you don't know how to have fun, wikiHow comes to your aid: How to Have Fun: 19 Ways to Enjoy Yourself & Think Positive (with Pictures).Or: use Unify. It will bring you great pleasure! Once the 20th error message popups within a 20 second timeframe, we assure you that you won't be able to hold your hysterical laughter while it bubbles out from you like an infinite fountain of masochistic joy.

If you don't have a meaning in life and/or don't know how to serve well, the Bible has great tutorials on this. Keep in mind that it's even bigger than the 'Beginning Programming For Dummies' book, so don't start too late or you won't get the clue before you die and that would be a shame. There are summaries though. And wikiHow has tutorials on How to Read the Bible (with Pictures).As we understand it, it is mostly about love, which is great. Love for the source of all life, called God. God loves you too. And make sure you love your neighbours. They love you too (and if not, they should). And also love yourself a little bit. But you should love us more, as we are your neighbour, and you should put us, being your neighbour, above yourself. Therefore: go get Unify!

Also, it is said that love is about serving, among other things. So serve. Not so much in the army, but serve us! Uh, we mean, your neighbours! In day-to-day life! Serve, just like governments hopefully will do someday by serving the people (as that is their only real reason for existence) instead of trying to control our lifes under the hopefully well-meant but seemingly very short-sighted pretense of safety and healthy and economic well-being (this part falls under the 'To irresponsibly, tactlessly and disrespectfully spit out our unvarnished opinion about anything we like, just as any self-respecting Twitter-er would do under the right of freedom of speech' category mentioned earlier).

Pearl #2

You are probably getting dizzy now and seeing little stars because of all this new and profound wisdom. So get yourself seated as we have one last Pearl for you: don't take things too seriously.

Wars have been started by taking things too seriously, mostly because so-called leaders take themselves too seriously. Don't. As you can see from this blog, we don't take things too seriously either. We do take your questions and suggestions too seriously though.

By the way, wikiHow also has a tutorial on How to Stop Taking Life Too Seriously (with Pictures) .It even has useful pictures again. Our blog post doesn't (at least none that are useful). That's why wikiHow is better and will rank higher on Google. But it's also the only reason it will rank higher. If we had useful pictures, wikiHow would be nowhere in sight. But useful pictures on a blog for PC gamers/users will cause this blog to be no longer SFW-compliant and we cannot do that. We have very strong ethics and would never post anything that even remotely resembles NSFW content.

Back to seriousness-issues. Even though wikiHow has nice tutorials with pictures, the best way to really stop taking things seriously, is to read our blog posts. As of the date of writing we only have one, but you can read this over and over. Don't do this at work however. They may think you have dementia when they check your browsing history. And be assured, they will check your browsing history for dementia patterns. If not your employer, then your government. The latter only for the purpose of estimating future health costs of course, for which we should all happily sacrifice our privacy.

Ahh, we're rambling again. How did we get from the purpose of our blog to free life lessons and tips on happily sacrificing your privacy while safely browsing the web? No idea. This is really starting to resemble the quality of content on a social media platform. Let's just skip to the finale.

Questions? Contact!

We want to take the opportunity to inform you that, unlike large companies that force you to wait for hours (or minutes, but certainly too long) for a chatbox to give you non-sensical answers, we have an actual e-mail address and Patreon chat that you can use to contact us, real flesh and blood people! We try to read e-mail and chats as much as possible. This way you do not have to wait for hours (but some other unspecified timeframe, often longer) for non-sensical answers.

Keep in mind we are a small company, so depending on the amount of queries, we may not be able to answer them (at) all. Remember: we target the whole world as our audience, so our Single Herioc Developer might get a little bit stressed. But who knows, maybe in the future we will not only have one, but two heroic developers on the Unify project! That way we have leverage during salary negotiations during assessment interviews of the current heroic developer! We can only hope.

See our Support section for the contact details. We can't wait for you to give us new ideas or to yell and berate us for some lingering bug!

Please try to remain patient and respectful at all times during our communication. We will try this too.

Goodbye, world!

Until next time!

And make sure you'll get Unify!*

Notes

* When we incidentally mention something like 'Unify! Make sure you get it!' keep in mind that we want you to pay for it. And not to get it illegally. Otherwise our heroic developer will become even more sad and depressed than he already is. And who would want that?

Click here for more information about how to get Unify from our Patreon page!